Saturday, February 25, 2017

Sixteen Again

2/23/2017
____________________

I giggled.
A terrible reaction.
A terrible sound.
This will not end well for me.
"But it's been years,"
He said.
"Who knows?"

I did, though.
I did know.
I knew
And I went for it,
Him,
Anyway.

Stupid girl, when will you learn
That stupid boys will never learn?

Not Drunk Enough to Explain

2/19/2017
_________________________

"Thank you by the way"
Hugging in the shower
Was really nice"

"Was purely selfish in motive."
Because for the last three months
Every time I showered
I would turn the heat
Up so high
That it felt like
My skin might melt off
And it still
Would not dilute
The ghostly sensation
Of your hands
Running
Up and down
My back.
And I had to feel it again
Just one more time
For real
To make sure
That it wasn't all
Just in my head.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Close Your Eyes

2/16/2017
__________________

All I wanted was the truth,
But I will settle for your lies.
I will settle for the ocean,
Although I crave your eyes.

I have settled in this darkness,
Yet I still cling to the light.
I will always want forever,
But I will settle for tonight.
2/16/2017

_______________________

I know that I'm just here
Because you're lonely.
You need somebody,
Anybody,
And my body is as good as any.
I know, I know
I know, I know
But what's the harm in pretending?

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

How it Was to See Him Again

2/1/2017
_________________________

It was like coming home for the summer after your first year at college.
A lot of things are exactly how you remember them.

The rooms are all where they should be.
The layout of the living room hasn't changed one bit.
The tiles on the bathroom floor are exactly how you left them.

And other things are a sort of comfortable surprise.

You'd forgotten about the dent in the wall of your old bedroom,
but now that you see it again, you vividly recall the time you practiced handstands against the wall and kicked just a little too hard.
You forgot exactly how it smelled,
but the second you inhale the air, the memory comes flooding back.
You'd forgotten that the third stair squeaks,
but you instinctively skip that step anyway.

And still, so much is different.

The walls in the hallways are grey when they used to be white.
Your mother bought new placemats for the kitchen table.
The closet in the room that used to be yours is no longer filled with your clothes.

And you can't help the subtle stomach drop when you realize that,
no matter how comforting this place may be,
it is not your home anymore.
And it never will be again.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

1/31/2017
_______________________

Your touch
An intoxicant
Diluting my
Alcohol-tinged blood
And you
Could do anything
Anything at all
To me
And I
In my euphoric state
Would let you

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Infinite Pizza

1/25/17
___________________________

"You know that he's just going to
Hurt you again,
Right?"

Actually, he never stopped.

"People don't change.
And if they do,
They definitely don't change
In that short of a time."

Do you even see me?
People can, in fact, change
In an instant.
All it takes is one little moment,
And a person's world
Can be turned upside down.
I am not me anymore.
"I never said he changed.
I'm aware that he didn't.
I'm aware that he's not going to.
It was just coffee."

"So you're just going to forget
About this new guy
And be with Him now."

"Yup.
You're right.
Actually forgot to tell you,
We got married!
Yup,
We rushed to the courthouse
Right after fucking coffee!"
Shit, I actually said that.
Get up.
Go anywhere else.

"Why are you being so defensive?"

"Because I'm really just sick
Of people talking to me
Like I'm an idiot."
Really.
Do you honestly think
That I don't know this is a bad idea?
I know better than anyone
How much damage he can cause.
Because I lived it.
I'm living it.
If you think I'm going into this
Without both eyes wide open,
You're about as dumb
As you think I am.
Do you honestly think
I will ever look at him
The same way again?
Do you honestly think
That I'll ever be able
To look at him again
Without seeing him walk away?