Tuesday, May 17, 2016

18/5/2014
___________________________

I had a dream
That I found myself
In the forgotten pages
Of a ratty old binder.
But in reality,
I am still gone.
I want to believe
That my identity
Was not just the tormented
Obsession
Of a thirteen-year-old,
But I am unsure.

I am unsure.
21/9/2012
__________________________

When I first saw your daddy
Standing in the doorway
Of that house that I had grown to hate,
Well, that's the moment that my whole life changed.
And when we kissed, I swore it was
The most precious gift sent from above.
(But that was before you came around.)
And every night, I'd look him in the eyes and say,
"Dream of sweetest things. I love you. Goodnight."

It was quite a few months later,
But there you were, and you
Were smaller than a thought inside me
Well, that's the moment that my whole life changed.
And then I knew, I swear, you were
The most precious gift sent from above.
And I waited for the day when
I could look you in the eyes and say,
"Dream of sweetest things. I love you. Goodnight."

When I first learned I'd lost you
On that cold November day,
In that house I'd grown to hate,
Well, that's the moment that my whole life changed.
Heaven had different plans for you,
My most precious gift, my one true love.
And I longer for the days when I thought
I'd be able to look you in the eyes and say,
"Dream of sweetest things. I love you. Goodnight."

When I first saw your Daddy
Waiting in my heart,
A broken hole that I had grown to hate,
Well, that's the moment that my whole life changed.
And now, I know for sure, this is
The most precious gift sent from above--
Eternity with God and you.
Now I'm still waiting for that when
I can look you in the eyes and say,
"Dream of sweetest things. I love you. Goodnight."
20/7/2012
_______________________

Hello, Ana. How have you been?
I liked our talks. What happened to them?
A year must've gone by since then,
And frankly, I miss my best friend.
Ana, can you help me through?
I've been gaining weight since I left you.
I need advice. What should I do?
I've been so lonely without you.
19/7/2012
________________________

I'm sick of seeing all these people coming up to me
Calling out my name, saying they know what's really best for me
They don't even care
That I'm trying to make some sense of what this world has given me.
Counting all the pieces of what is barely left of me.
How is this fair?
19/7/2012
______________________

If all that I have are words,
I'll sing them all for You.
If all that I have are actions,
I'll do it all for You.
If all that I have are riches,
For You, I'll give them all away.
And if all that I have is You,
I'll be okay.

Off the Notebook

13/9/2013
______________________

I was an addict
My tearstained nights
Were littered
With college-rule
Blue lines.
My days
Were defined by
The exact ratio
Of horrors inhaled
And stanzas exhaled.

He told me
This was unhealthy;
My comfort was simply
An excuse for solitude.
He wanted to see me
Off the notebook

So tobacco stains
The space
Between my fingers
Where ink used to live
And my tearstained nights
Are frightful and cold
Without my crutch
Of poetic asymmetry.
11/8/2013
_______________________


This is not a disease.
This is determination.
            This is not a sickness.
            This is beauty as the whole world sees it.
                        This is not malnourishment.
                        This is accomplishment.
                                    This is thin.